God has been calling out to me, but I have not listened. God has been reaching out to me, but I turned my back on Him. You see, He wants to love me and He wants me to love, but I have been harboring some unforgiveness and hatred which doesn’t mesh so well with love. Because I chose to ruminate, meditate, and focus on these feelings, I also chose not to listen or turn to God.

I felt that someone had been hurtful and uncaring.
I thought they had been selfish and inconsiderate.
I just knew that they couldn’t care less about the results of their actions.

This is why God tells us not to judge. The truth is I have no idea why they behaved the way they did. At this point I am choosing to believe the worst. Now, let’s say I am right. Then they have no heartburn or sleepless nights over the situation and have not given us a second thought. If I am wrong, they may have no idea that they did a thing.

Me? I have had nights which were hard to get to sleep. I have had mornings filled with what happened. I have had imaginings of telling them off. I surely was not thinking on lovely and pure things, but God kept trying to refocus me.

Then this morning I read in Isaiah that God was reaching out and calling out, but the people didn’t listen and I realized that was me. Harboring bitterness and anger will only hurt me, and this is a lesson I have learned in the past. Why go down this road again? It’s time to just let it go because God wants to do something in my life, and I don’t want any blocks between Him and me.

So, for a while the situation will pop in my mind on a daily basis, and I will have to choose to forgive. Then it will come into my mind when I see the people, and I will have to choose to forgive. And finally there will be a remnant of ugliness and a little guilt about releasing it, but I will choose to forgive. Because to do otherwise is to turn my back on God and I can’t continue to do that.

Countdown: 1 day

There’s a chance of snow in the area today. We should get more rain than snow which will make the freezing temperatures a little more dangerous. Children will delight and drivers will beware. I temper my glee because I know that others are fighting fear. This does nothing to help them, but I feel guilty if I take joy when others can not.

I live my life this way too often. There is no denying that pain, hurt, fear, and sadness are in this life. This world is decaying and full of sin and so these things will be with us. Does this mean that marriages are any less full of love? Does it make a birth any less miraculous? Should it make a snowfall less beautiful or a hug less special? I don’t think so.

I have lived moments where I thought the earth should stand still. I have been in instances where I didn’t know how I could go on. But the earth kept moving, and the people around me went on even if it seemed as if they were in slow motion at first. The thing is, if they hadn’t have continued I would have stopped in my sorrow and pain and may not have come out. I needed their movement to remind me to move. I needed their love to remind me to love. I needed their example to move in the direction of life.

So, today I am going to enjoy the snow for what it is for that moment. Fully. And then I will pray my husband home safely. And then I will celebrate over a pot of chili in front of a roaring fire and know that in good and bad God is there and fully present and I should be as well.

Countdown: 2 days

a week of unexpected snow storms, but expected gifts.
this moment supercedes all others.

countdown: 3 days.